Friday, May 29, 2009

Trying to catch up

Sorry for not posting sooner.  Sorry for no pictures.  Sorry for the post short on details.  Sorry for little excitement.  The past week has been filled with ups and downs and the ups have been great and the downs have been...well, not up.

Last week I was very excited to have Johnny Tri as my house guest and to have him as part of my support team in Austin for my Team in Training group's race at the Capitol of Texas triathlon.  In my excitement I ended up dropping the ball on a few things and was not being a very good host.  I feel like crap about it.  

My TEAM did very well in Austin at their race and everyone finished.  Again, in my excitement and focus to make sure everyone had a good time, I dropped the ball again on a few things and came across looking like an idiot.  I feel like crap about it.

My kid did very well at his swim meet last week and qualified for invitationals in a few more events.  However, he was caught stealing a box of candy out of the snack bar with another kid on the team.  The swim team board has threatened to kick him off of swim team if he has another incident of any kind and he will be excluded from invitational.  I feel like crap about it.

I went to the allergist to debate about why I need to be taking the allergy shots if they do not seem to be helping and instead they are draining my wallet.  He told me that because I was not taking my asthma medicine that I have not gotten any better and that if I refused to take my asthma medication then they had to discontinue working with me.  I have not been taking the medication because El Esposo did not want me taking any drugs.  I agreed to take the medication to be able to still take the shots.  I feel like crap about it.

I have not gotten any training in this week.  I feel like crap about it.

I am way behind in organizing the kid's triathlon that is in a month.  I feel like crap about it.

I do not have a very high opinion of myself right now and feel like I should crawl under a rock.

I have a card that sits on my bedside table that says,"The better you do, the more they expect." How true that statement is.  If I was a ditz, people would have blown off some of this stuff.  But since I am not a ditz, each small error stands out like a huge wound.  And it takes time for wounds to heal.  They fester and ooze.  They scab over and look ugly.  They leave a scar.  Everyone remembers it.  It will be pointed out again later.  I feel like crap about it.  I don't think that my apologies and my remorse for my shortcomings as a friend, coach, parent, patient, race director, and athlete has been accepted from others and I find that to be very painful.  I know that things will get worse before they get better so I am ready to keep my mouth shut and hang on for the bumpy ride.



The Lazy Triathlete said...

We all have ups and downs in life. I am sure that Johnny Tri understands and is not upset about your perceived lack hostnesses (is that a word). As for your kid--let him get kicked off it may teach him a lesson. The cops scared the shit out of me stealing a pack of chicklets once. It is good for the soul.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Things will come around!!!

Greyt Times said...

I'm guessing you have pretty high expectations for yourself, and though you feel like crap about all of these things, they aren't as bad as they may seem right now. Take a deep breath. "This too shall pass."

Speed Racer said...

Sounds like somebody needs a hug really, really bad. Here it comes... *Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!* Do you feel even a little bit better now? I hope so.

I've noticed that moms are some of the most self-critical people in the world. They feel like crap about a lot of things. I hope you have some good company under that rock, and that the other moms down there make you feel better about yourself, and that you come back out laughing with a big smile on your face.

One more hug for the road... *Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!*

Steve Stenzel said...

Hang in there Liz!! I have a quote from you in my post going up tomorrow morning....

KCWoodhead said...

Right there with you...