Last week I was very excited to have Johnny Tri as my house guest and to have him as part of my support team in Austin for my Team in Training group's race at the Capitol of Texas triathlon. In my excitement I ended up dropping the ball on a few things and was not being a very good host. I feel like crap about it.
My TEAM did very well in Austin at their race and everyone finished. Again, in my excitement and focus to make sure everyone had a good time, I dropped the ball again on a few things and came across looking like an idiot. I feel like crap about it.
My kid did very well at his swim meet last week and qualified for invitationals in a few more events. However, he was caught stealing a box of candy out of the snack bar with another kid on the team. The swim team board has threatened to kick him off of swim team if he has another incident of any kind and he will be excluded from invitational. I feel like crap about it.
I went to the allergist to debate about why I need to be taking the allergy shots if they do not seem to be helping and instead they are draining my wallet. He told me that because I was not taking my asthma medicine that I have not gotten any better and that if I refused to take my asthma medication then they had to discontinue working with me. I have not been taking the medication because El Esposo did not want me taking any drugs. I agreed to take the medication to be able to still take the shots. I feel like crap about it.
I have not gotten any training in this week. I feel like crap about it.
I am way behind in organizing the kid's triathlon that is in a month. I feel like crap about it.
I do not have a very high opinion of myself right now and feel like I should crawl under a rock.
I have a card that sits on my bedside table that says,"The better you do, the more they expect." How true that statement is. If I was a ditz, people would have blown off some of this stuff. But since I am not a ditz, each small error stands out like a huge wound. And it takes time for wounds to heal. They fester and ooze. They scab over and look ugly. They leave a scar. Everyone remembers it. It will be pointed out again later. I feel like crap about it. I don't think that my apologies and my remorse for my shortcomings as a friend, coach, parent, patient, race director, and athlete has been accepted from others and I find that to be very painful. I know that things will get worse before they get better so I am ready to keep my mouth shut and hang on for the bumpy ride.