There is a 50% off sale, but I have to walk into the shark's jaws. Do I just stand here and look at it or do I get a closer look?
Last week I was in a deep funk about not getting to go on my holiday to Mexico. I think I was more bummed out that I had gone out and spent a chunk of change for a few new things to wear when I had told myself that I was not going to do that. I really should not feel bad because I don't buy "real people" clothing. I only buy clothing that has Cool-Max or Dry-Fit in it. So now I feel like I have to go into my closet and clean out all the "real people" clothing that I am really not wearing and pass it on to people who do wear "real people" clothing.
But then I felt bummed out about my work clothes that do contain Cool-Max and Dry-Fit. Almost all of my gym pants are looking like cow dung. They have snags and some how they seemed to have shrunk. Really, how do polyester pants shrink? To get them to look long enough in the leg so it does not look like I am still going through puberty and out growing my pants, I have to pull them down in the waist so that the crotch is midway down my thigh. I'm too old to be wearing low rise pants. I have been eating too many cup cakes to wear low rise pants. I have not been running or riding my bike enough to be wearing low rise pants. Ugh!
But I feel guilty about going out and buying new pants for work because Nike and other companies want to charge me $65 or more for a pair of pants and I need at least 4 pairs. And I spent that money on a Ralph Lauren dress and a new pair of Guess heels for this stupid cruise that got canceled. I should not feel guilty but the stupid bank took it upon themselves to raise the interest rate on my credit card to 27.98% and upped my minimum payment so that it is now more than one of my paychecks at the gym. The bank was also nice enough to let me know that if I just pay the minimum payment I will be 76 when it is paid off.
All I can say is I am still trying to pay off my husband's aunt's funeral from 2006 that I got stuck paying with my credit card because no one else in the family could pay to lay to poor lady to rest. Damn, funerals are expensive and can put you in debt. I can't use my credit card, even though they upped my credit limit, because of the guilt of spending money.
So since there is major guilt about spending money I have not registered for anything. Not even a local sprint tri. I did a 5K back in February but it was a race in honor of a friend. I would look like a heel to not support my good friend. Since I do not have a race on the schedule I do not feel an impending sense of doom to train my butt off and I really have no way to see if any of the training that I have been doing is paying off. I feel like I have no direction and it is unsettling.
Now our family is just fine and we have plenty to cover all the monthly bills and to blow a bunch of money on a cruise that got canceled. I'm just freaking out because I worked for a paycheck that covered my coaching and triathlon costs. I never asked El Esposo to float me money to go to Switzerland and do a race or to pay for all of the costs that go into covering two Ironman races. I made sure that my paycheck covered that. And then I got demoted and started only making a third of what I had been pulling in on my pay check. Now I could have cracked my ass to get more clients and make more money, but I was also pulling back on my hours to be home at night and not have early morning classes every morning to make sure I got the kid off to school and to swim practice. And frankly I did not want to give up my Thursdays where I have enough time to do a long bike ride or run when the kid is at school.
Basically, I am just being a whiny idiot and I need to get over it and get off my butt and go run.
I just need some cowbell. Major cowbell.